– Neale Donald Walsch
Recently one of my friends shared how she was avoiding difficult discussions with her boss because of his insecurities and inability to receive feedback. Anytime her boss was opposed, he would get triggered, shutting down all the voices in the room. My friend was frustrated, tired, and had lost some of her passion. Consequently, her boss was no longer getting candid counsel from his broader leadership team. She was feeling demoralized, and her supervisor had no idea that his lack of honesty and offensive nature was losing her. He was in the dark and did not have a clue that his blind spots were damaging his relationships. Sadly, I encounter these stories quite often. Are you known as an open-minded leader, and a thoughtful, holistic coach?
Most people are looking for a transparent, candid, and coachable boss who will mentor, advise, and get their hands a little dirty. Leaders have a choice: open themselves up or potentially lose top talent. Why do people leave companies today? They depart because of inflexible cultures, lack of career development or organizational toxicity. Most individuals leave because their boss is derelict in their duties as a coach, advisor, or counselor. Are you susceptible to any of the 7 sins of coaching?
THE 7-SINS
1. NOT BEING HONEST. Most of us struggle sharing difficult feedback. In fact, almost 70% of managers fail to communicate difficult feedback and associates return the favor. It’s never easy sharing perspectives that others don’t want to hear. Our ability to manage internal fears, accompanied by the skill of reading the room is essential in being an effective coach. We all need truth tellers who help us expand our self-awareness and guide us in navigating difficult personalities in an evolving world. Are you known for avoiding conflict or delaying challenging conversations?
2. NOT PERSISTENT. Salesforce discovered that only 3% of leaders have a structured coaching process. This lack of discipline creates inconsistent results and an underdeveloped culture of talent. In healthy organizations, associates commit to being open to constructive discussions at every level of the team. There is feedback traveling upward to the boss, downward to associates, and to our cross functional partners. Does your team believe in, and practice real-time thoughtful, yet persistent feedback?
3. NOT ASKING QUESTIONS. Like an effective surgeon, skilled coaches diagnose the situation with their teammates before prescribing a solution. The most proficient coaches are not directive with their counsel; they’re Socratic and facilitative in their communications, encouraging richer conversations. Coaches are catalysts for expanding minds, building confidence, and strengthening team unity. They assist others in identifying personal goals and uncovering friction or mental roadblocks that can hinder the realization of dreams. The right question, in the right moment, with the right intent and tone allows us to find common ground and deeper understanding with the WHOLE PERSON. Are you practicing mastering the art of asking deeper questions?
4. NOT UNDERSTANDING THEIR STORY. To be a compelling coach, we must understand other’s personal stories, motivations, and aspirations. The fears, dreams, disappointments, and past experiences of a teammate influence their mindset and relationships today. Our story shapes everything and everyone we touch. Skilled coaches personalize and adapt their influence style to their associate’s needs. They meet others where they are at, investing time sharing their own story while inviting others to do the same. Do you invest enough time listening to your associate’s stories and are you comfortable sharing your own personal narrative?
5. NOT DEFINING SUCCESS. Expectation setting is essential for the long-term health of any relationship and a coaching relationship is no different. A facilitative coach reaches agreement on the expectations of the relationship and is committed to an ongoing discovery of uncovering roadblocks and friction that impedes achievement of these stated goals. They allow their associates the autonomy to define their own success. Are you guilty of talking too much and taking control during coaching discussions?
6. NOT CREATING SAFETY. Gifted coaches open others up, creating a safe atmosphere for assessing game-plans and limiting beliefs that can hinder progress. Studies have shown that the most essential component of any coaching relationship is the depth of trust forged. It is very difficult to coach anyone if you have failed to build a bond rooted in belief of each other. Trust is the glue which holds every discussion together. Are you known for creating tailored, positive coaching experiences, and do others walk away energized?
7. NOT PRACTICING. Real change only occurs through consistent, deliberate practice. There are no short-cuts, and you can’t cheat the game. You must do the work. A proficient coach calmly corrects, teaches, and models new skills in real-time during practice sessions with their teammates. When we exercise at the edge of our skills, we expand to new levels because we are out of our comfort zone. That is where the growth occurs. If you want to experience real growth, commit to a series of practice sessions with your coach. Are you comfortable practicing new skills which are out of your comfort zone?
Tomorrow’s leaders understand that courageous, transparent coaching discussions are essential in building healthy, holistic organizations. The best teams create a culture of real-time feedback and deliberate practice. Are you refining your own skills as a coach?
“Coaching is not impersonal or personal, it is in the center.” ― Aiyaz Uddin
