“We gather information (selectively), interpret it (prejudicially), and recall it (unreliably).”
– Marshall Goldsmith
THE IDEA: Yesterday morning I watched as a driver screamed at the top of his lungs at a biker for advancing through a green light in my local Chicago neighborhood. His anger was jarring.
The day prior, I observed a woman rebuking a server in a local diner because her coffee was not piping hot. The server walked away dejected and overwhelmed.
And this morning, I followed up an Amazon third party order and was told, “we will send the item once it is back in stock. We are short staffed, so please don’t bother us with your phone calls.”
A lot of us are feeling less patience, more fatigued, and more anxious. There is an unspoken belief that we all have lost some control in our lives. Why is it that most leaders avoid courageously confronting how their teams are feeling?
A common idea throughout my new book, Closer Look: Ideas on Reexamining and Eliminating Personal, Relational, and Organizational Blind Spots is that vulnerability and dropping your guard improves communication, encourages openness, and elevates transparency. Yet, we rarely share our expectations, fears, and weaknesses with others. Our inner voice whispers “if I show weakness, I may lose ground or status with others.” Our old stories, rules, and ways of thinking protect us, and often hinder our relationships. Are you asking enough thoughtful questions to better understand the evolving mindset and unmet expectations of associates on your team? Do you truly understand their feelings or fears? Are you continually expanding work expectations, adding to their anxiety?
Leaders who can ask deeper questions and listen actively are able to create cohesive and honest partnerships. If you are known as good listener, you are distinct. Listening is a rare and underappreciated skill in most groups. If you lead a team, are you practicing setting aside judgments and empathetically listening to what is being said (and not said)? We are living in a moment where deep listening is vital to attracting, developing, and retaining top talent.
Ask yourself this simple question: “Am I intentionally setting aside enough time to check in emotionally with my team?” If you are not checking in each week, you are suffering from a blind spot.
Personal change is very challenging, which is why we need another’s eyes to see ourselves. The most holistic leaders I know are committed each week to asking their team three questions:
- How are feeling personally and would you share with me your weeks progress?
- Is there anything we should be doing, and more importantly, not doing?
- Are you clear on your priorities, and is there anything I can do to eliminate roadblocks or friction to better support you?
Whether you’re in a position of leadership or not, we all own how we show up and affect others. Too often, we fall into the same problematic traps. We lack courage in difficult times when a leap of faith is needed, and we deceive ourselves into believing changes are impossible. The most common and sneaky blind spot, however, is the tendency to take yourself out of the game before it even starts by playing too safe. When you are feeling anxious and fearful, that’s when you need to reach out to a friend, teammate, and your boss. Vulnerability is courage on display. We need other’s eyes, counsel, and guidance more than evr.
What is your process for staying present with others, honest with your boss (or family) and recalibrating your own work expectations?
Your mindset is the one controllable you can always influence. Are you doing the work to maintain your own personal impact and emotional health? Please reach out to me if you want to discuss further.
“Bran thought about it. ‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’
‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
