“I thought I was killing it. Turns out I was just murdering the vibe.”
Most people don’t read the room well at all.
Like, “overwhelming the room with too many words” during a brief all-hands meeting. Or “calling up your boss late Friday afternoon with a litany of low-priority topics.” Not a good look.
Whether it’s a tense team discussion, a high-stakes sales call, or coordinating a customer discussion while not understanding the politics in the room… most of us can be tone-deaf at times.
Wait, But Aren’t We Emotionally Intelligent?
You think you are.
Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. And yet, more than half of leaders rate themselves highly in this domain—while their teams tell a different story.
It’s like saying, “I’m great at singing,” and then a coworker leaks the video of you butchering Stairway to Heaven at last year’s retreat.
And if you’re still unconvinced, research shows only 10–15% of people are extremely emotionally intelligent.
So unless you’re in that top group, you’re probably the person interrupting more than you think, or filibustering during team meetings.
“Deep Listening” Is a Practice, NOT a Technique
Real listening—deep listening—requires presence and practice. It demands that we suspend judgment, quiet our inner voice, and open space for others to be heard. In most sales engagements, time is short, and buyers’ needs evolve in mid-conversation.
Complex B2B decisions are always fluid. Priorities shift, and problems get redefined. Your job is not to anchor to your product, but to flex, and recalibrate as the personal, emotional, and practical landscape shifts. We must listen to what’s not being said.
Alignment isn’t a presentation (or set of facts) it’s a feeling. And you don’t earn alignment by pushing harder. You earn it by helping others feel understood. You invite them into your story.
Pressure Makes You Dumber.
When we feel too much pressure, we normally don’t “rise in the moment.”
Dr. Sian Beilock’s research shows that 88% of people perform worse under duress. Our working memory – the part of the brain that helps us think clearly and respond appropriately—becomes weakened when cortisol spikes.
High anxiety moments don’t produce clear thinking. It creates distraction. Fatigue, overwhelm and stress aren’t organizational virtues, they’re symptoms of poor leadership.
This is why balancing your emotions isn’t soft. It’s the ultimate advantage.
The Sales Meeting is a Human Experience
Consider these stats:
- In 55% of B2B buyer and seller engagements, there is no agreement on the definition of the problem to be solved.
- And two-thirds of B2B decisions involve six or more stakeholders with unique priorities, aspirations and unspoken agendas.
A sales discussion isn’t just a presentation. It’s an emotional experience. And every person brings their own fears, pressures and fatigue to the table. If we fail to read the room, we will fail to be present.
EQ Is Not Optional Anymore
Here’s the reality:
- 58% of performance is tied directly to our emotional intelligence.
- And 85% of career failures stem not from technical skill gaps, but from interpersonal misfires.
We’re not losing deals because our solutions are weak. We lose them because we didn’t create trust, and we are not reading the moment accurately.
The top sales leaders are translators, orchestrators and deep listeners. They understand that business isn’t just transactional—it’s human.
So, What Now?
Here’s a cheat code for your next meeting:
- Shut up and listen until it hurts. Let others talk for longer than 17 seconds. Create space for the real issue to emerge. Let others shape the agenda—not just respond to yours.
- Ask clarifying questions and revalidate your assumptions. Even if you think you already know the answer, check it out once again. People’s perspectives are always in flux and evolving. Are you guilty of still utilizing your old playbook?
- Watch the room, not just the words. Did someone start daydreaming? Did someone glance at their boss nervously? That’s invaluable data. Go beyond the words and observe the nonverbals.
One Final Thought
Read the room. Feel the shifts. Stop pitching. Start listening.
Because emotional intelligence isn’t just “nice to have” in business—it’s the one thing standing between you and “No, thanks—we went with someone who understood us better.”
Are you reading the room as well as you may think?
“I tried reading the room once, but it was in cursive.”
