The Insight: None of us are the leader we think we are. It is hard to admit, but true. And all the research points in that direction. In twenty years of coaching, training, consulting and research, I am sure of one thing: all of us have pretty big blind spots that limit us. The hardest part is that as you enjoy more success, you receive less feedback. Often, we don’t ask for feedback (or set a safe atmosphere for others to share feedback) and the result is that we think we are showing up better than we actually are. That is a wicked combination.
Psychologist and author Heidi Grant Halvorson puts it this way, “One of the things we have learned from over 50 years of research on perception is that most of the time, we assume other people see us the way we see ourselves. A second thing we’ve learned is that that is almost never true.”
I have uncovered common themes that affect each of us on some level. These are the reasons that we are rarely correct about our leadership effectiveness:
The Derailors:
- Overestimating Yourself
- Underestimating Others
- A Need to Be Right vs. Doing What’s Right
- Not Listening or Being Present with Others
- Making Everything Important vs. The Critical Few
- Too Much Personal Ambition and Not Enough Serving Others
- Not Being Honest About Others’ Performance
- Not Understanding Politics Within Your Team
- Believing the Past is an Indicator of the Future
No matter how you cover them up, they eventually leak out. And the more you deny or bury them, the worse they become.
Here is the dirty little secret: everyone already sees your weaknesses and would respect you even more if you owned them and discussed how you are trying to get healthier.
As we have discussed in the past, it’s crucial to embrace the growth mindset. As Dr. Carol Dweck says, “People who must look good, or people who think mistakes are bad, or people who dislike accountability have a hard time learning things”
In other words, failing to embrace your weaknesses or blind spots can be lethal to your long term impact.
Three ideas for the week and for 2016:
- Work with a coach who is strong enough to pull out your best but also confront you about your worst.
- Gain insights from a “No B.S. Buddy” who is always honest with you.
- Slow down, pause more, and listen until it hurts. Just learn to listen more!
As you jump into 2016, unlearn the leadership behaviors that don’t serve you. Instead, learn to approach your personal development with a “beginners mind.”
