“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ― Carl Jung
THE IDEA: Last week I observed an executive at O’Hare Airport monopolizing a conversation with a peer for over 30 minutes. This was a one-man monologue being delivered to a glassy eyed recipient. It was an uncomfortable, unbalanced, diatribe for the ages, and a stereotype of the heavy handed, overwhelming know-it-all. I watched from afar, feeling the anxiety grow in my chest as each minute dragged on. Both men appeared to be equals, but one unperceptively held the floor, while the other needed a vaccination from the onslaught of words. After almost 30 minutes, the brow beaten one ran to his flight to escape. The monopolist did not read the room, nor did he pick up the cues the other was clearly conveying to him. There’s an epidemic with this type of low self-awareness and it comes at a cost.
The literature is very clear: when we are present, pausing to engage others, and taking time to observe our own behaviors in real-time, we show up with more persuasiveness, authenticity, and impact. This allows us the confidence to invite others into the conversation, which is essential in an ever-evolving world.
We have all been put on notice; if we are not growing in our own self-awareness, we are vulnerable to a fall.
As a performance coach, facilitator, and training moderator, I’ve watched from the balcony how the best leaders prepare, engage, and deliberately practice their craft. When I started Mack Elevation 15 years ago, I had no idea the vastness and whitespace I was stepping into. Leaders are begging for coaching, counsel, and candor in developing their inner skills, including self-awareness.
Most people believe they are extremely self-aware but as Dr. Tasha Eurich has researched, self-awareness is a rare commodity. Only 10%–15% of leaders fit the bill. Most people don’t read the room very well.
The dirty little secret of most organizations is that 7-in-10 people struggle to share difficult feedback with their boss, and the boss returns the favor. Courageous, difficult discussions are rare, often filtered, and rarely consistent. Groups of people that hold back difficult feedback create false unity and destabilize the team and culture. It is no wonder that the higher a leader ascends in an organization, the less honesty they receive. Why? Titles intimidate and personal success is a drug for many. When you have been successful in the past, you become overconfident you will be successful in the future. This is the perfect storm to set an executive up for failure.
Contrary to popular belief, every person on every level need truth-tellers around them. We all need other’s eyes to see ourselves clearly. Remember the adage, “when you are in the jar, it’s hard to read to the label.”
The most important skills in an evolving world are risk assessment and opportunity discernment. The #1 reason we fail in partnerships with our associates and customers is lack of self-awareness, and the inability to manage our emotions under stressful situations. About 60% of sales leaders have difficulty challenging a customer and 50% of meetings are unproductive. If you are not asking for feedback, you are likely not showing up as well as you think. Your customers (and your boss) are looking for advisors who are curious and skilled at uncovering hidden threats to their business, and who are courageous conveyors of truth. The goal is to alert them to problems they aren’t aware of yet, knowing it may create discomfort.
Most senior leaders are feeling impatient, overwhelmed, and protective. Today, 2-in-3 B2B buyers are born after 1980, a different generation than most senior sales executives leading multi-national organizations. These younger leaders demand a different type of sales experience. They expect curated, experiential, simplistic, and human business discussions. They are looking for a two-way conversation with partners who have high emotional intelligence, great listening skills and self-awareness.
Your relevancy will increase when you help your customers think through today’s sales essentials, tomorrow’s investments, and competitive threats bubbling up on the fringe of their business. Every minute matters, and your own self-awareness is essential to maintain trusting relationships.
How well do you read the room?
“True leadership begins with self-awareness.” – Bill George
