“We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience.”
– John Dewey

To conquer fear, we must first define it, and then courageously confront it.

For years, I struggled with the fear of showing vulnerability.  Growing up I was deeply affected by my father’s struggle with alcoholism and carried a sense of shame, and embarrassment that made me often feel “less than” others. The weight of that experience impacted my life, shaping the way I interacted with others, and I carried a burden to always prove myself. After years of self-reflection and healing, I’ve come to understand the profound power of making peace with my Dad’s disease.  Reflecting honestly on how those early years shaped me has been a transformative journey and has taught me many tools I use today in my coaching practice.

Do you have something that you still need to make peace with today?   Only through honest self-reflection can we truly come to grips with our story, and relate to others with empathy, and vulnerability.

Leadership isn’t just about knowing how to lead others. It’s about understanding yourself first. It’s an intentional practice of stepping back, reflecting on your decisions, and even your failures. Why? Because taking a good, hard look in the mirror is the key to better performance, better relationships, and even better emotional health.

So why should we care about self-reflection?

  1. SELF-REFLECTION BUILDS EQ. A study from the Journal of Applied Psychology found that leaders who engage in self-reflection regularly show significantly higher emotional intelligence (EQ). Higher EQ means better decision-making, stronger relationships with your team, and more effective leadership overall. People don’t just want a leader—they want a leader who gets them.
  2. SELF-REFLECTION BUILDS RESILENCE. Let’s face it: we all fail. But how you handle failure can make or break you. Research from Harvard Business Review found that individuals who engage in reflective practices after making mistakes are more likely to learn from those mistakes and avoid repeating them. Reflection turns failure into fuel for future success—so instead of shying away from failure, embrace it.
  3. SELF-REFLECTON BUILDS EMOTIONAL HEALTH. According to the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, reflective practices are linked to better mental clarity and reduced stress levels. When you’re constantly sprinting through your day, your brain doesn’t have time to catch up. Reflection slows down the race, giving your brain the space to process, reset, and stay sharp.
  4. SELF-REFLECTON ENHANCES PROBLEM-SOLVING. Leaders who regularly engage in self-reflection are 25% more likely to come up with creative solutions when they hit a roadblock. A McKinsey study showed that giving yourself time to think through challenges and reflect on different perspectives fuels creative thinking.

WHAT NOW?

It is time to practice. The following are two simple practices that can help you integrate self-reflection into your routine without it feeling like one more thing to do.

  1. THE 1% PAUSE. Set aside 1% of your day (15 minutes) at the beginning of each day to reflect on three questions:
    • What am I thankful for, and why? How am I expanding?
    • What am I concerned about, and why? Is it real or a lie?
    • What ideas and creative thoughts are on my mind? How can I use these ideas?

These simple prompts will help you unpack and give space to ideas or concerns you may have buried within yourself.  Mornings are a great moment to listen to yourself over a cup of coffee.

  1. THE 1% REFLECT. Set aside another 1% of your day (15 minutes) at the end of each day to reflect on three new questions:
    • What went well today, and how did others experience me today?
    • What didn’t go as planned, and why did I miss the mark?
    • What distracted me today, and what actions do I take tomorrow to stay present?

These simple prompts will help you distill lessons from your day and build the habit of reflection without it feeling like a burden.  This is also the time to celebrate wins. It’s crucial to acknowledge your victories, big and small. You’ll leave the day with a sense of closure, a clearer understanding of your strengths, and a game plan for the following day

When we take the time to self-reflect, we open the door to deeper understanding, empathy, and resilience. This process of reflection not only enhances our leadership impact but also strengthens our relationships, helping us to connect more truthfully with others.

The journey to becoming a healthy leader starts within—by understanding and embracing our own story.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
– Aristotle