A trap in dealing with difficult people is getting wrapped up in their personality.
– Tara Stiles

THE IDEA: To be courageous and bold, yet thoughtful, when coaching a challenging teammate is one of the most difficult skills in our lives today. I wish I had practiced this more often 25 years ago; I would have enjoyed the ride so much more. Maybe that is why the share groups, forums, and coaching relationships I facilitate focus on these tricky, and invaluable soft skills.

Take a moment and be honest: how often do you give voice to any of these statements with a peer, your boss, or an associate?

  1. “May I share some coaching with you? I am curious why you think it’s appropriate to intimidate others and not listen in our team meetings. Your outbursts distract us and hurt your relationships and our team’s health.”
  2. “I am sorry I must bring this to you, but your filibustering during our meetings is hindering group participation and our team’s creativity. You have great ideas, but you must learn to land the plane earlier. May I give you some ideas on how to turn this around?”
  3. “I feel that we need to talk about the structure and aura of the meeting you facilitated this morning. May I share with you what I experienced and offer ideas on how we can create an even more open transparent team experience?”

Navigating the labyrinth of workplace dynamics demands adept management of dysfunctional behaviors. Bad practices can disrupt productivity and damage group cohesiveness. Fierce discussions require a delicate balance of patience, empathy, and courage. By understanding underlying motivations and a teammates backstory, a harmonious culture can emerge, fostering deeper collaboration and transparency. Here are 7 challenging personalities and tips to optimize the relationship.

  1. MICROMANAGERS: These individuals excessively focus on small details, controlling every aspect of a project. This stifles creativity, autonomy, and demoralizes members of a team. TIP: These people are swimming in fear and need to be encouraged that everything is not urgent. Very few tasks demand perfection. Take the time to understand their needs, agree on expectations, overly- communicate, and demonstrate your own competence.
  2. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVES: These people tend to express their negative feelings indirectly through subtle sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or non-verbal cues. They are skilled at lobbing bombs, then hiding. TIP: These teammates are very insecure and have difficulty with confrontation. Stay poised, create safety, and confidently address their behaviors in a private venue. Be constructive and ask them to be more direct if they have any future concerns.
  3. EGOCENTRICS: These individuals prioritize their personal interests and ambitions over the team’s goals, potentially leading to conflicts and reduced collaboration. TIP: These associates demand external validation, and their outward behavior is how they attract attention. Giving them positive feedback and encouragement demonstrates you see and value their skills.
  4. COMPLAINERS: This individual demonstrates ongoing negativity which drains team morale, burns valuable energy, and lowers team MOJO. TIP: Take a breath, listen, empathize – acknowledging their concerns. Ask open-ended questions, setting clear boundaries on communication expectations. Let them know you are open to discussion, but they need to offer positive options to solve the concerns they bring to the table. All complainers must be held accountable to offer solutions.
  5. PERFECTIONISTS: These people have a hidden fear of failure, are vulnerable to burn-out, and are hypercritical of others. While attention to detail is valuable, a need for extreme flawlessness can lead to missed deadlines, unrealistic expectations, and team frustration. TIP: Honestly acknowledge their strengths, set clear priorities, and help them calibrate the time and effort allocated to their top projects. Celebrate experimentation or risk-taking and encourage self-care and periods or renewal.
  6. CONFLICT-AVOIDANT: This person neglects stressful discussions, delays solving problems, and fails to address open issues within the team. This may stem from a desire to maintain harmony but leads to a variety of long-term conflicts. TIP: Remind yourself that these teammates don’t think conflict is normal, so practice the behavior with them in a safe, calm, and open environment. Respect their boundaries but also share that the culture demands positive dissenting voices by all associates.
  7. THE VICTIM: These associates struggle to look in the mirror and take personal responsibility for failures, relationships, and their own behaviors. Fear takes over and they hide from accountability. TIP: Foster a culture of ownership and “no blaming.” Gently challenge victim-oriented narratives, asking questions to help them reframe their perspective and consider alternative viewpoints. Suggest they think proactively about how to overcome obstacles rather than dwelling on the negative.

Dynamic cultures are comprised of diverse personalities and complicated team dynamics. Learning to manage difficult personalities is a life-skill of critical importance. When we understand how to transform friction into understanding and discord into cooperation, we cultivate a workplace where individual differences are celebrated, allowing both employees and teams to thrive.

Are you investing enough time getting to know your team and confronting difficult individual behaviors?

I want to try to make difficult people somehow relatable.
– Rebecca Hall