Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
– Robert Frost

I recently attended a larger meeting where the speaker opened with an irrelevant, longwinded story that immediately lost the audience or put most of us in a trance.  The story was a bit off color and failed to create an emotional connection. This discomfort set a poor tone for the rest of the day.  In a world where instant gratification is king, it’s no surprise that many suffer from the epidemic of over-talking and under listening. From sales meetings to casual lunches, it seems most have adopted the belief that “the more words, the better.” But what if I told you that too many “words” will hinder you?  Let me share some ideas on why talking too much will cost you dearly.

 Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.
– Charlie Kaufman

Let’s look at some uncomfortable statistics. A study published in The Journal of Applied Communication Research found 70% of communication is wasted because we often talk too much, leading to information overload, and relationship frustration.  The research analyzed interactions from the workplace to social gatherings and found that excessive talking not only bogs down the conversation, but also reduces the likelihood of productive outcomes. In a word, it’s “oppressive” to people.

Imagine you’re in a meeting where one person won’t stop droning on about their new product ideas. The meeting was intended as an end-of-week Friday update.  It is more than just irritating; it’s detrimental to the culture. The study indicates that when people exceed the optimal communication time frame by more than 20 minutes, there is a 40% drop in decision-making efficiency. In other words, the more you talk, the less your audience absorbs, and the harder it becomes to reach team consensus.

Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud.
– Unknown

But it doesn’t stop there. Research from The American Psychological Association found that excessive talking also impacts our emotional health. A survey revealed that 60% of respondents felt anxious and overwhelmed when confronted with long-winded speakers. Not only does this create a communication bottleneck, but it also leads to higher levels of stress among the team. The study highlights that excessive talking can be perceived as a form of social control, which can estrange and demoralize others in the room.

“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.
– Susan Cain

So, what’s driving this epidemic of endless banter? It seems that our current cultural climate rewards wordiness. A survey by Harvard Business Review found 75% of professionals believe that speaking more often in meetings correlates with being perceived as more intelligent. This is a classic case of “talking to impress,” where quantity is mistaken for quality. This study underscores a disturbing trend: the belief that the more you say, the more astute you appear. This often results in diatribes, one-way communication, and listener fatigue.

Now, let’s talk about the impact of all this on our personal relationships. Imagine trying to have ah honest chat with a peer who won’t let you get a word in edgewise about your own experience. Research conducted by The University of California, Berkeley showed that conversations dominated by one party can lead to a 50% decrease in relationship enjoyment. The study tracked discussion exchanges and found that when one person overpowers the conversation, it not only hinders the quality of the discourse but also negatively impacts trust within the relationship.

This makes clear that over-talking is more than just a minor social blunder—it’s a serious communication obstacle.

Three strategies ideas to consider:

  1. The next time you find yourself slipping into the abyss of endless verbiage, remember these uncomfortable statistics. You might just want to pull back a notch. Less really is more when it comes to effective communication.
  2. Open with a question instead of filling the room with your opinions, needs, and complaints. The art of asking thoughtful questions opens people up and invites relational connection and commitment.  As Eugene Ionesco reminds us, “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.”
  3. Most people do not listen to understand (or empathize); they listen to reply, impress, or to take over a conversation. If you want to show true respect to another person, give them the gift of your attention. Tell me what you pay attention to, and I will tell you the quality of your relationships.

It’s time to reconsider our approach to talking. By embracing brevity, actively listening, and engaging others on their terms, we can foster more transparent conversations, and even improve our relational health. So, the next time you’re tempted to launch into a monologue, consider this: the most impactful communication happens in the spaces between words.

If you don’t understand my silence, how will you understand my words.
– Unknown