“Half of wisdom is learning what to unlearn.”
-Larry Niven
THE IDEA: A friend recently reminded me that “It takes honesty, courage and real emotional health to be open to the insecurity of feedback rather than choose to take the easy road and operate in self-deceit the rest of our lives.” It’s only natural to become fearful of how others perceive our weaknesses, when the alternative, courageous self-discovery, can be threatening, yet so rewarding. Every instinct is telling us as humans that we should run from pain. Our fight, flight, or freeze instinct kicks in and frequently takes the form of denying (fight), ignoring (flight), or doing nothing (freeze).
The adage, “we don’t see things the way they are, we see things as we are” is the guiding narrative of my work as a coach. We all suffer from blind spots, personally, interpersonally and within every organization, we play in. They are hidden from your view, occasionally creep up on you, yet are easily observed by your friends, colleagues, and family, preventing you from achieving your full potential. Here is the good news. Change happens when you commit to installing a structure and self-awareness system that gives you real-time feedback, and candor into how you are showing up and effecting others.
Too often, we fall into the same problematic pitfalls. We lack courage in difficult times when courage is needed, and we deceive ourselves into believing goals are unattainable or impossible. The most common and sneaky blind spot, however, is the tendency to take yourself out of the game before it even starts by playing too safe. How often has that tripped you up?
I have studied personal, interpersonal, and organizational blind spots for over 30 years. In my practice, I facilitate leadership events with diverse groups of sales and marketing associates, and I am always on the lookout for clues on why some teams are successful and others are not. Blind spots are subtle, sneaky, and as the name suggests, hidden from us.
The leader who asserts their authority by texting during a newcomer’s presentation, the woman who refuses to share control with peers during team meetings, the smooth-talking leader who unknowingly comes across as a con. Blind spots are our shadows, and when left unchecked, they can be detrimental to all aspects of our lives: from relationships with a significant other to reputation and productivity within the workplace. We’re all certain we’ve cracked our own code, but it takes courage to admit vital parts of the code are hidden behind impenetrable firewalls. Constructive feedback, vigilant self-examination, and openness to dissenting points of view provide the necessary light to overcome our shadows.
Whether you are a leader, working for a large organization, or are an independent consultant, the healthiest and most impactful people are not afraid of the truth; in fact, they pursue it. Are you able to hold your views with an open hand? Do you clutch your beliefs too tight? Are you willing to question whether the foundational strengths in your life are a double-edged sword that may cause self-injury?
Perfection isn’t the goal here. Brené Brown, wisely tells us “Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” Accepting imperfection as an inevitability is the first step to objective personal examination.
Take a moment to ponder the following questions and reflect on the implications for your own life.
- How do I affect others and what must I learn, re-learn, or unlearn to be effective?
- Am I present, transparent and vulnerable, embracing the moment with others?
- Am I effective at sharing my personal story and embracing other’s stories?
Take a look into the mirror, embrace the journey, and let me know how I can help you take the next step.
“What got you here, won’t get you there.”
– Marshall Goldsmith
